As someone who experienced regular stress and burnout during my time at university as a result of overfilling my schedule and overextending my energy, I stumbled across audio journaling with both excitement and hesitation. 

The promise of waffling away about my problems and not having to write a physical journal, which I found far too embarrassing and time consuming, made it an intriguing prospect. However, although I’m a recent convert to voice messages (why did no one tell me they’re so much easier than texting long paragraphs), I am still in the self-conscious phase of worrying whether I sound too posh or I say ‘um’ and ‘er’ too much. Nevertheless, I decided to give it a go. Seven days of voicing my feelings into my phone. Seven days of trying to find balance, calm and gratitude in my working and personal life during a global pandemic.

Day 1

I wake up exhausted after a horrendous nights’ sleep. If I do a late shift at the supermarket I work at, my mind is filled with stacking shelves and cleaning trolleys throughout the night. I log my sleep as a 2 and do a quick voice note about how badly I slept and instantly feel like I’m being too dramatic. Surely it can’t have been that bad? I drive to work feeling weirdly anxious; even though I’m overqualified for this shelf stacker job and I’ve been doing it for four weeks now, I still feel a weird niggling feeling that I’m going to be caught out for not knowing what I’m doing. Predictably, once I arrive my day is absolutely fine.

I sit down in the evening and hit record, ready to chat about my unnecessary anxiety. No words come out. How do I start this? ‘Hi Ellie, it’s… Ellie here.’ I had planned what to say throughout the day but when it comes to actually saying it, I bottle it. I feel the pressure to create a perfectly formed narrative arc that concisely and logically summarises my day. A beginning, a middle, and a mic-drop conclusion to end. Instead, I restart three times, bumble my way through, and end with a whimper rather than a bang. I can’t help but feel that someone is listening in, so stress over the performative aspect of it. I listen back to my voice (the worst feeling in the world) about three times to make sure it was ‘good’ enough and cringe at my excessive use of ‘umms’. An exercise designed to reduce anxiety has in fact increased my anxiety. I go to sleep telling myself it was due to teething problems and that tomorrow will be better.

Day 2

I have a much better day today, with better sleep and much less anxiety. I record around dinner time and feel much more relaxed, with less pressure to get my entry ‘perfect’, although I still feel extremely awkward signing off with a ‘um, okay, bye then me?’. It feels good to put into words how I’m feeling about working at Aldi and how lost I feel in my life without a grad job, with the constant pressure to be applying yet facing continuous and inevitable rejection. I have a few glasses of wine with dinner and, before bed, I drunkenly ramble about how grateful I am to have my mum and sister with me during this weird time. This is probably not something I’d have conceptualised or put into words without voice recording, but I’ll also blame the wine for making me tipsy and sentimental.

Day 3

I feel very bleh when I wake up but I force myself to do some yoga to set myself up for the day. I do a bit of preparation for an interview tomorrow and then find out that my sister got a first in her degree, so we celebrate with prosecco, nachos, carrot cake and Mamma Mia 2. Name me a more perfect combination. My journal entry feels a lot more relaxed, genuine and calming as I ramble on about the prep and the film and my memories of happier university times. I also give myself a pep talk for the interview tomorrow and talk through what is stressing me out about it.

Day 4

Today’s the big day as I have a job interview! Energy, motivation and sleep are all extremely high and I do a ‘confidence boost yoga’ to pep myself up. The interview goes better than I could have hoped. In the evening, I find it so beneficial to get my thoughts in order and talk through how the interview actually went, as well as identify my fears of getting rejected now I’ve got my hopes up and received great feedback. Telling family and friends about an interview always feels like it’s done through a layer of falsity and self-deprecation, not wanting to come across as too confident or too negative. I ramble for over five minutes (a new record) but the time goes really quickly and for the first time this week I lock my phone after recording and don’t obsessively listen back to it to check it was okay (I’m all about the small wins).

Day 5

And I haven’t heard back anything definite from the job. Classic. They want me to do yet another interview on Friday morning so I use my journal entry to reflect on how I’ll genuinely (probably…maybe) be okay if they reject me. I also reflect on how scary change is. I’ve been dreaming of moving to London and getting a graduate job for so long whilst living at home and working in rubbish jobs since graduating has become a definitive part of my identity for the past nine months. Despite my mind running at a million miles an hour and thinking about this every five minutes, I probably wouldn’t have put these thoughts into words without audio journaling, so it feels good to have a virtual friend to tell.

Day 6

When I record this evening, I am a little drunk (again). I do a quiz with my university friends and waffle on about how much I love them and am grateful for them. Whilst doing so, I have a revelation. I always thought reflecting and journaling needed to be massively philosophical and life-altering. As if you’re writing an important book or recording a mindset-changing podcast. I realise this is why I have felt pressured throughout the week; I felt I had to say something profound. I come to understand that my reflections are my own, and the trivial, the mundane, the simple observations about the minutiae of life are just as important, and often more helpful, than reflecting on something ‘groundbreaking’. Journaling is working. I’ve turned a corner (but it could also be the gin).

Day 7

The final day of journaling rolls around and I find out I’ve got the graduate job! This week has been full of up and downs regarding the direction of my life, what I’m doing and where I’m going, so getting this job makes me feel so relieved and grateful. The next chapter of my life is about to begin. I use my final journal entry of the week to chat about change, happiness, excitement and anxiety.

So, what did I learn during my week of audio journaling?

I learnt that my thoughts and reflections are my own. I do not need to perform or to make them perfect, concise or logical. I can waffle and ramble to my heart’s content because the true value of journaling is not to craft a polished final entry but to put into words the thoughts that rattle through my brain but I never actually fully conceptualise or give space to. I realise that the mundanity and everyday of my life is important and significant. I transitioned from feeling awkward to feeling like audio journaling was the most natural thing in the world. I would wholeheartedly recommend that anyone, whether they suffer with mental health or not, gives waffling into their phone for five minutes a day a go.

You can try audio journaling for yourself with Journify’s brand new app! Download free for iOS or Android to start your journey to chill 🤗

I’m Ellie, a 23 year old graduate from the University of Exeter who, until recently, lived at home in Gloucestershire and felt lost in life. Now, with a real adult job as an Account Executive at a digital marketing company, I can be found attempting to be a yogi, eating, reading and enjoying a gin and tonic at the pub with my friends. 

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