Intrusive Thoughts
Have you ever heard of intrusive thoughts? I hadn’t. Until I started dealing with them every hour of the day.
Intrusive thoughts are sudden, often disturbing, ideas that sling into your head. Here’s the thing though - they’re very common. It’s not a very cheery topic to discuss, but many people have experienced that unnerving moment - perhaps when standing somewhere very high, or when driving, or when in social situations - that you could, in that second, just jump, or swerve, or shout out loud.
However - and this is the deal breaker - for most people, when these thoughts pop into their head, they dismiss them quickly. There is no fear that they may actually, without intention, act on these thoughts. However, when I started experiencing them, I found it a lot harder to rationalise with myself.
Photo by Mitchell Hartly on Unsplash
My experience with intrusive thoughts
When I first started dealing with intrusive thoughts, a few years back, I didn’t want to tell anyone. I thought I was on the brink of something really bad. It took an episode where I was in the kitchen and had to run out, my forehead on fire, my hands shaking, certain I was going to stab myself, before I decided to do something about it. The fear of that moment is what eventually led me to a counsellor.
Discussing my issue with someone else was a pivotal moment for me. Through my counsellor explaining how common it is, talking me through the biological and psychological reasons behind it and offering ways to break the cycle, she gave me coping mechanisms that mean I rarely struggle with intrusive thoughts in the same way I used to - and now, if they do pop up, I can control the panic.
Intrusive Thoughts & Sleep
However, one time where I do still struggle with intrusive thoughts is, oddly, when I am sleeping - or more accurately in that limbo space between deep slumber and being awake. For many nights I found myself trapped in no man’s land where I was experiencing terrifying intrusive thoughts but, as I wasn’t fully conscious, I was unable to calm myself down. This anxiety was leading me to a terrible sleeping pattern as I rarely slept for a whole night in an undisturbed way, and I was feeling incredibly anxious before going to bed as I knew what awaited me.
One night however, my boyfriend was reading ‘The Lord of the Rings’ in bed next to me and, indulging myself in a childish moment, I asked him to read some to me. Within 10 minutes of him reading I had drifted into blissful *undisturbed* sleep - my head was far too full of Hobbits trying to scale mountains to make space for anything else.
Obviously the solution was not to have my boyfriend read me a bedtime tale every night but it did lead me, thankfully, to audiobooks.
Thank the lord for audiobooks…
Audiobooks have been a saving grace for me. I tend to pick adventure based, lighthearted, fun tales and play them on loud for 10-15 minutes at night. Whereas I used to be up for hours before falling into anxious sleep; I now, most nights at least, get a decent night sleep.
What’s the take away here?
This may not be a solution for everyone, however, I think it does have some universality. Since starting to use audiobooks I suggested it to my Mum (who also suffers with mental health related sleeping issues) and other friends, and I know it has helped them.
That being said, I think it’s crucial to say this is not some sort of magical cure. There was no poof of smoke and voila, goodbye anxiety, au revoir intrusive thoughts but, what it does show me, is that mental health issues are not a life sentence - it’s about trial and error, being patient with trying out different coping mechanisms and finding what works for you - because there will be something out there that can help.
A final word
The reason I chose to write on this topic is because, when I was first struggling, I didn’t even know that intrusive thoughts were a thing. I diagnosed myself with insanity; but this experience doesn’t have to be so lonely or extreme.
Humans are complex things; we may as well be upfront about it. There is a current issue where mental health is talked about, most commonly, in terms of ‘anxiety’ and ‘depression’ and all of the issues in between tend to get swept under the rug - but intrusive thoughts are important, and they are more common than first thought. After all, when life isn’t going your way or when your anxiety or any mental health issue is playing up, you can feel a little out of control. This spills into other areas of life, including your faith in your mind’s capability, or your own actions. Just know, however, that you need not be scared.
As my counsellor said to me when I asked her, with definite panic in my voice, how I knew I wouldn’t act on my intrusive thoughts - “just because you think you’ll win the lottery, doesn’t mean you will.”
(A FINAL RECAP OF IMPORTANT POINTS)
Intrusive thoughts are common.
Severe intrusive thoughts are not the same as being suicidal/murderous.
You are in control. You will not act on them.
Find a coping strategy that works for you.
About the Author:
I’m Jess, the founder of The Everyday Magazine. Day to day, if I'm not working at the mag I'll be either working in Marketing at a photography studio, lobbying my landlord to change the rules about pet ownership and renting or musing on why the phrase 'if I'm not doing this I'm doing that' is so useful when writing a bio. You can check out our community magazine, The Everyday Magazine, on instagram or facebook at @TheEverydayMagazine
Other Featured Articles
