Crying Isn't Just Important for Women - Here’s Why
So many people think crying is a sign of weakness, but it’s truly a testimony of strength and growth. Personally, I love crying, and I’m very proud of that. It has nothing to do with a bad mood, mostly. Sometimes I just love to have a good cry and when there’s a good film or book in the background to fuel it, it’s the perfect “correlation not causation” example. I feel very cleansed afterwards as if a weight washed off of my chest - sometimes I don’t even notice it was there up until it isn’t anymore.
And here’s an unpopular opinion - you’re entitled to your own - I believe that men should cry more. Sure, society is still captivated by the idea that crying isn’t “manly”, although there was never an “anti-crying” movement. Some of my closest friends, educated women with great emotional depth, can’t even stomach the idea of being in a committed relationship with a man who’s proudly weeping, even if something horrible had happened to him. Although I respect their life choices, I deeply disagree with it.
Give yourself permission to cry:
Just like laughing, we tend to cry much less as we grow up. The average baby cries about two hours a day, the average woman cries 2.7 times a month, and men cry only once per month. Although we might feel just as helpless at times as an infant, this reduction in crying as we age is linked to social conformities.
Throughout the years, I’ve gathered around me friends who aren’t ashamed to cry, or even just admit that they want to. As a highly sensitive person, I see great importance in surrounding myself with people who are in touch with their feelings and understand the emotional strength it takes to open up and be their true selves - even if it means that they cry alone in a room with nobody to witness it. I also happen to believe that it’s a part of mental maintenance - giving yourself the permission to cry every now and again is just as important as dusting off your highest shelves or cleaning your fridge. You can either do it by yourself, if you’re comfortable and “trained” enough, or if you’re financially able to, use the services of a professional therapist.
So what makes us tear up?
The reasons are varied and can range from hormonal changes, stress, anxiety, burnout and anger, all the way to different degrees of sadness and depression. While the reasons for sobbing may be somewhat agreed upon, the aftereffects of crying are still something the scientific community is not entirely sure of. An analysis of published articles from the last century and a half showed that in most cases when talking about it in the media, people report that holding back the tears prevents their emotional outlet. However, some scientists claim that there isn’t enough research to back it up - yet.
A lot of men are scared of being vunerable:
Having grown up mostly around male friends, and as a young adult dabbling in the dating world, with every passing year, I realise how problematic the fact that young men are socially encouraged not to cry is. We live in a stressful world, more stressful than ever, and most young adults are ashamed to admit that in fact, they don’t have all the answers. Whereas women are still socially expected to be “emotional” (and more than once, are being scolded for it in the workplace, which is just infuriating and a whole topic of its own), men are supposed to take it all in and “deal with it”. How? No one can really point out, and it feels like nobody really talks about it.
This is wrong for many reasons. The society we live in nurtures a very toxic phenomenon, where men are not being able to have any kind of a healthy outlet for their feelings. Talking from experience, I have seen way too many young adults stressed out of their minds, and it was immediately translated into anger, depression, and even different kinds of violence towards their immediate circles. Just to be clear, I’m condemning any type of violence for any reason. Having said that, I see a great opportunity of lowering the amount of domestic violence by giving men a safe environment to be vulnerable. Even if we’re talking about a change of a tiny percentage - it will still make a huge difference in so many people’s lives.
But change is coming and younger men are leading the way:
But there’s also hope. While writing this article I met a very well educated guy, who’s younger than me, and at some point in our stimulating conversation, I found myself asking him if he, or anyone of his the guy-friends in his social circle, cries on a regular basis. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t feel comfortable”, I said, but he didn’t blink twice and said that to him it’s… very normal. More than that - that this is not a topic that is considered to be taboo among his friends. It had nothing to do with the fact that he wanted to impress me, and I believed him. I was shocked but pleasantly surprised to hear that a change is coming - especially from and within societies that encourage young children to keep their emotions to themselves and to be very restrained - such as the society this young man, most likely, grew up in.
At the end of the day we are all human beings, capable of feeling all emotions:
It’s about time we stop regarding crying as weak or alarming and start seeing it as a part of being a human being. Crying doesn’t necessarily mean that a person needs or wants your attention, and not everyone will seek your comforting hug or expect you to say the right words to make them feel better. It’s also not your responsibility to do so, but it’s nice if you try. Crying is just something you do, and after you’re done, you just keep on with your life (hopefully) - why is it any different than brushing your teeth or working out? There’s so much strength in showing that you’re just human. Especially now, after we’ve all experienced some restrictions or lockdowns, being away and so detached from genuine, unmediated human connection - let’s just all remind ourselves how awesome it is to be human. Yes, even if it means that crying is a part of it.
About the author:
Yuval Ackerman is an acclaimed content writer, editor, developer, and musician based in Berlin, Germany. Coming from an extensive journalistic background, Ackerman sees herself as a perfectionist, and always seeks to break new grounds - both professionally and personally.